Living in the Moment

img_2366With things in such a difficult place for us, my head is spinning. I don’t really know what the future holds, but I do know this… these 3 boys count on me to be there for them, and that means everything me. I could distance myself, but I don’t want them to know there’s stuff going on between their dad and me. So we hold serve, we keep rolling, and I try to cherish the good moments. All the uncertainty aside, it was a wonderful weekend with the kids. We went to a Halloween party as a family and my best friend tells me that Reegan referred to me as “his mom”. Said his dad was dressing up as mustard and his mom was dressing up as ketchup. Really? Well, I’ll be d*mned… Me, being the cynical person I am, wonders if the ex asks them to call her husband their dad and that’s how this comes about. There have been a few references from school in the last two years where they refer to “My dad” and it kind of seems like they might be talking about their step dad. One even last week from Reegan about the 6 people in their house (that doesn’t appear to be our house). But I digress… it does mean he sees me as his family. And that tugs at the heart strings. As I struggle to navigate the path ahead, I will always remember that. And the times the kids want me to read to them or scratch their backs or go in the car with me or play a game… there were a lot of those wonderful moments. I am trying to live in those moments. Family trick-or-treating tonight with (of course) ex drama… and we try to make it the best we can for the kids. I had a lot of people refer to me as a parent this weekend (as if some of them know what’s going on). Those are, funnily enough, the moments where I feel like a parent. Where I just put the kids first. No thought, it just is. And that is also something I will always take with me.

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