I am learning how to not sweat the small stuff, which is hard to do in my 30s. I’m trying, anyway. I’ve always been a bit backwards that way. I tend to get stuck in the minutia but the big stuff I take in stride and handle like a rock. So for both Curtis and the kids I’m really trying to be better. My own parents were really strict – my dad was in the army and my mom is… Polish. lol. So they didn’t let that small stuff go, either. I don’t have a good example of how to be more easy-going. (Don’t tell my mom that, she believes she’s easy-going, lol). A good friend told me the other day that your kids are going to grow up to be who they are regardless of how strict you are or if they pick up their toys or do their homework… I’m not totally sure if I buy that, because my parents really shaped who I am, but I do believe picking up their toys won’t make them a fundamentally good person so maybe I can let up a little on them. I am trying. I’m growing. I’m hoping leading by example will teach them something valuable.
I am also working hard trying to balance everything, I have rehearsal 3 times a week, I have a full-time job and a home business, I have friends, and I have my family (which includes the kids’ sports and Curtis’ sports and his other commitments). They’re all crashing together this weekend. I thought the kids’ hockey was cancelled so I could make plans with a friend. We all need a little friend time, right? Moms have lives, too, and all that. Turns out that Reegan still has a game that I will have to miss and Curtis is on call with the FD so he’s left without someone to watch the kids if he has a call. I thought I had fixed the on-call problem by asking a friend to be on standby and then my backup backed out last minute because her kids have hockey… Everything is intersecting this weekend and I feel awful about choosing to go to the movie premiere (not a negotiable date) with my friend. I feel like I’m letting Curtis down and letting the kids down. I feel sick about it. Is this what parenting is? Is part of being a parent feeling awful for having a life of your own?