Around and around we go

Curtis is fighting with his ex over which dentist to take the kids to. Or, rather, his ex is fighting with him, as he knew she would. He suggested they call a dentist in town rather than to do the 40 minute drive to her childhood dentist. And. She. Is. Pissed. He sends me the conversations so I can see the horror for myself. She’s calling her lawyer and accusing him of trying to change the kids, saying she has to speak for them. Her lawyer is a piece of work, too, so I expect that note to be nasty. As a bystander, I don’t see him ever try to change the kids, he’s always asking what THEY want. I suspect they’re fighting her over something – hockey, maybe – and she blames him. The whole thing makes me feel physically ill. I’m shaking. It’s such a helpless feeling to not be able to do anything to help him. It’s not my fight. So I listen, even though it makes me physically anxious. I don’t want to read the things she says to him, but I don’t want him to have to carry that burden alone. I want us to be a team, and he’s so strong… I can be strong for him. And I try to understand the impact it has on him, and how that impacts his feelings about having kids with someone else. All I can do is be supportive of him and as unlike her as possible. She is really, really awful. I see so many parents making divorce work, making it ok for their kids. I see other horror stories, too, and they eventually work themselves out. This doesn’t feel like it will every work itself out, although I suspect that a lot things feel like that in the thick of things. I had hoped things would calm down, but it doesn’t feel like it’s going to. We just try to be good people and hope the kids see that. And I hope he can see that about me. Remember to breathe…

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