Reegan’s Christmas Concert is tomorrow and I can’t miss rehearsal. I also can’t miss his concert. So what’s a step-mom to do? Well, work is pretty stressful right now and I have a monster weather headache… all of that equals a me day. So I can go see his concert during the day and sleep off this headache. Work is the force that had to give. And I feel really guilty about it. My mother would not approve of me calling in sick when I could go to work. But I’m looking for balance.
Who knows if he’ll even be happy I’m there. He was pretty mad at me this morning over a toy. I didn’t make Nolan give him back the toy that he took from Reegan, to give to Taitum, which Reegan took from Taitum and wasn’t giving back. If you follow that. But I’m going, because it’s important to me to support him. Getting them off to school was an adventure. I won’t lie, not having to deal with that gets me out of bed some mornings. Lol. Curtis thanked me for getting them ready this morning and my response was to say ‘that’s what family does’ (notice I did not call myself a parent), but I secretly appreciate that he thanks me. And I also want him to see me as a parent who doesn’t need thanking… it’s very complicated.
I asked the boys last night to write something we could put on a pillow for Daddy for Christmas. Reegan wanted that for his birthday, but we ran out of time. This is what they came up with. Cathy (Curtis’ mom) was there and said they insisted. It made me cry.
How will I ever walk away from these boys? I love those boys. I had an epic breakout, worst in over 10 years, so my mind automatically wondered if I was pregnant (I’m not, of course). I wanted to be so badly, even though I knew I wasn’t. I war with what I want and what to do all the time. But for today, I have two boys who may not be happy with me, but love me. Today I feel like a parent, even if I won’t call myself that.