I wanna wash my hands, my face, my hair with snow (That’s from White Christmas, I’m not just weird, lol)

Oh, snow days… We didn’t have many of those as a kids, but they were our favourite days. As I told the kids, it’s a free day so we should have as much fun as we can. And so we did.

Our snow adventures started when I made it just in time for Taitum’s concert on Wednesday night. Kim was there, but mercifully kept her distance. Curtis said she went to the classroom before the concert and he didn’t seem too happy that Reegan went over to her a few times during it, but we don’t want to be like her and keep the kids away. She didn’t come to the classroom after the concert and Curtis took it as a slight when Kim’s friend (Taitum’s EA) said that it was nice to see him out. He thinks they seem him like a lesser parent. And sometimes it feels like they do. She’s very present at the school, she makes a point of it. Frankly, I think he should, too. I think he should talk to the teachers about his issues and be more present – put a face to their relationship and make it a real person that she says terrible things about instead of the abstract concept of the ex husband. Oh well, it’s his choice, not mine. I can’t make that decision for him.

When we got home from the concert, I had stuff to do, so Curtis read with Reegan. It made me happy that Reegan wanted to read with me and that he wanted me to read to him at night. I told him I was glad because I like reading to him and he told me he likes me, too. It was a good moment, especially after seeing him so attached to his mom. I’m not his mom and it doesn’t have to be the same. I am happy with my own little place, and happy I have one.

It became pretty obvious yesterday early on that I wasn’t going to make it in to work. They pulled the plows until it was light and closed all the roads in and out of town. School was closed. So we hunkered down and we had a busy day making salt dough shapes and painting them (and making a mess). It was a busy, fun, day. I didn’t get a lot of rest and my feet hurt at the end of the day, but it was a really good day.

What I put on Facebook was “If you kids need a bath in the middle of the day is that a parenting win or fail?” And I almost didn’t post it like that because they’re not my kids and I feel awkward about it, but I did. I am mostly a parent… lol. As we previously established, I’m all in on this… img_2577

Curtis’ sister replied to my post with a picture of a time well before I was in the kids’ lives, when Nolan and Reegan had coloured on each other. And while I had been celebrating my choice to call them “my kids”, she really put a damper on that. She reminded me that they are not, in fact, my kids. Then, presumably when I didn’t like it, she REPOSTED IT so I could feel like that all over again. So I liked it, even though I didn’t mean it, so she would not ask me repeatedly if I had seen it or regale me with the tale of when that happened. She’s a nice girl, I really like her, but she stresses me out with her Facebook behaviour. Liking everything at record speeds and gushing over her brother and the kids. With his family is it always terribly obvious that I am not really a part of this family, as much as they say they see me that way. They really have a knack for making me feel bad about it, if unintentionally . Time for a Facebook break again, like the last time she stressed me out like this. I need some space from her. Especially with her coming to stay with me in a little over a week. I need some Karina-free time. (That’s right… Karina and Katrina, not confusing at all. lol)

I also have a confession to make… Because of the snow day I had to move my vacation day for Monday to yesterday. And I’m really sad about that. Sad and stressed. I had a wonderful day with the kids and I wouldn’t trade it. But I was so looking forward to a day for last-minute shopping and wrapping and pjs and Christmas movies. I am so stressed, I was really looking forward to that time. And now I have to get up extra early on Saturday, instead of actually having a day to sleep in, to do the rest of my shopping. I’m feeling a little overwhelmed this season, which is not unusual for me, being the grinch I am… but I’m struggling today. So every good has its consequences, I guess. Maybe not quite ready to consider myself a full parent right now… I’m sure Curtis would think I am selfish for feeling this way because he would give anything to have an extra day with the kids, and I am sad I don’t have that time. I think we all work differently, but I think he won’t understand. So let’s keep that between you and me. I even melted down on him today because I’m getting so stressed about the holidays. He’s so last minute and that does not work well for me. All I want is an answer for what he wants to do with our “family time” so I can make an appointment and he would rather do nothing then make a plan with me right now. It’s enough to bring me to tears at this time of year. Well, much like with everything, I have to accept him how he is. I’ll just have to suck it up. Sleep is overrated, isn’t it?

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