To Everyone with Shared Custody at Christmas

This is a really tough time of year for everyone and you need to put your kids first. Be nice to each other and put your kids first. For crying out loud. I feel like half the people I talk to are having custody issues because, of course, everyone wants their kids there for as much of the holidays as possible and something has to give. For us, as I’ve mentioned, we tried to swing it so the kids could come to my Christmas. When that didn’t work, we tried to swing it so that the kids could go to hockey. We even had something that Kim wanted, but she has a million (different and contradicting) reasons why we can’t have a chunk of time with the boys, she just wants what she wants with very little in return. So things are staying status quo. It all feels so petty on her part. I’m sure it will be equally petty next year, citing this year as an example. There appears to be no reason why she couldn’t have made the trade, especially for hockey, she just doesn’t want to give up her time to get some of his. And I’m positive she will blame Curtis for anything she can. None of that is good for the kids, and their happiness at Christmas is supposed to be the most important thing.

Curtis and I got into a really big fight last night over Christmas Eve. He is really struggling with how to deal with everything – her family, his family, and now my family. He was… really mean. I’m not sure he has ever been so hurtful toward me. He told me that he is a man who does not want a child with me and I think this hurt me more. He chose to sleep on the couch because I didn’t want to see him after that (his choice, I told him that I didn’t want that). I’m still really hurt and angry, but I’m glad he told me he was struggling with it, that at least helps me understand WHY he was so mean. It doesn’t make it ok, but I do accept his apology and I will try my best to support him and help him through what he’s struggling with, now that I know about it. Now it’s hella awkward to start out a holiday I’m already dreading.

Speaking of dreading the holiday… I wonder if our views on family might be our breaking point. We can’t even agree if his sister is a guest in our house or not (she totally is! she doesn’t live here! that doesn’t make her any less family!). And the one time of year I actually make a choice to go see my family while my 90-year old grandfather is still alive, well, he said the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me… and I dated a guy who called me a whore. The worst part of it is… when he signed those papers last year, I asked him if he realized it meant that they would never be able to go to my family Christmas. I told him the implications of what that decision meant. And somehow, he still treated me like some b*tch who was choosing not to spend Christmas Eve with his children.

I also wanted to give a little update on my post “Doubling Down”. After feeling like I was doubling down on this family by signing cards from everyone and sharing pictures, Curtis noticed that, on some of the cards, I put the return address just from me. It was mostly to people who wouldn’t know Curtis even exists and then I introduced him in the card… but that really upset him. He was really hurt by the fact that I didn’t put Moore-Vessie on it like I did on the ones who know both of us. (and I put Vessie-Moore for his family). It’s like it’s never enough… No matter what I do… it’s just never enough.

And, for the record, this is why I hate Christmas. No matter what you do, it’s never enough. Someone always wants more. December 23rd. 4 more days until I can breathe.

 

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