It was really hard to watch the kids go back to Kim’s place after so short a holiday. All the time she had them for Christmas was technically our time so she gets the whole next week with them and we don’t get that time back. Taitum was so happy to go back to Mommy’s place, he didn’t even give Curtis a hug goodbye. It was really hard. Nolan, on the other hand, stands at the door and waves until we drive away. I miss them tonight. It’s going to be a really fun street party and they would have loved it. Skating, neighbours, friends. It should feel perfect. Without the boys and with the crappy holiday, life feels less than perfect.
I am still really upset at everything that was said over the holidays. I’m not over it all. I am a firm believer in fresh starts in the new year, in fact, it’s one of my favourite times of year for that reason. So I can let it go, but I will not start this year with all of this negativity. I will not live another year where he talks to me like he did (in other words, I will not allow him to take his frustration at Kim out on me) and I will try for a baby this year, with or without him. This is our chance for a fresh start. We don’t have the boys so tonight so I would like to focus on us. So we can be a better family. Those are my resolutions. Forget losing weight, I will not be the punching bag for Kim’s crimes and I will try for a baby. Now I just need to find the balls to tell him that.