It was an interesting weekend, full of ups and downs. First, it was my first show weekend as a step-parent and I’m not sure I nailed it. I stayed out late on Friday night with the director, Tina, and then I missed Nolan’s game in the morning. And he asked why I wasn’t there. Parent fail. I feel pretty crummy about it. Curtis was clearly upset with me, and so he should have been. I didn’t go because I was exhausted, and that was my own fault. I’ve never tried to balance both before, my show weekends have always been about me, about the show, and I need to do better. The show itself was excellent. The kids came on Saturday night and, for the most part, really liked it. Taitum fell asleep, but Nolan and Reegan liked it. I took Reegan up to the booth after and let Nolan and Reegan go on stage to check things out, which they seemed to enjoy. His sister and her husband were also down for the weekend and enjoyed it. And it was great because I was out for most of the weekend so I couldn’t get stressed by having houseguests. Cathy told me this morning that the kids talk about me “all of the time” to their mom. I guess they told Cathy that they told Kim they were going to see my show and her response was ‘don’t talk about her’. That was interesting for me. Kind of threw me off, really. I know they talk about her a little, but I didn’t really think about them talking about me. Or that she would say that. Or maybe that sounds exactly right.
Nolan and Reegan sword-fighting backstage
I do think having kids and learning to change my approach has made me a better SM. I only had one person tell me that I was mean, and more may have thought it, but mostly I got really nice compliments. And I have the kids to thank for that.
Me in the booth
After the craziness of the show weekend, we also had a house full of people for the superbowl party, lots of food, lots of kids running around. I think everyone had a good time. It looked like the kids did, which is the only thing we want. I’ve definitely lost them for good as Steelers fans as Curtis’ Patriots won again. That’s all I will say about that, lol. Yuck. An interesting conversation came up at the party, we invited neighbours we don’t know that well, who also know Kim’s sister. She asked specifically about how we handle the kids not being there, do we go to all their games, or whatnot? I answered her honestly, without saying anything bad about Kim, that Kim doesn’t take them so they only play half the time. She said if it was her, she would be showing up at her ex’s house demanding that they would go, I said that Kim would call the cops if we did that. (True story, she’s threatened before). I also told her that Curtis went to court for that and got nowhere. All of those felt like calculated questions, although not presented like that at all so maybe I’m wrong. It’ll be interesting to see what the small town gossip train makes of that if she did ask on purpose.
Speaking of Kim, the lock broke on our front door (while Curtis was on call, I was at the show, and we had a house full of people… eep!). Our neighbour picked up a new one for us and it’s one of those key code locks. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I feel like that’s an invitation for Kim to get in my house. I’m sure she can get the kids to tell her the code and I worry about that… a lot. I’m not sure if it’s some kind of anxious paranoia, or if she’s really capable of that. Our dog is the worst guard dog ever and would love to let her in to our house. If we ever go away, I wonder if we could change the code… the whole thing makes me uncomfortable. But… it will be better for the kids, so here we go…
The new lock led to a conversation about money, of course. We’re struggling right now and Curtis wants to move to a smaller house. In theory, I support that, but I can’t move until everything is settled about us and where we’re going. I need to know we’re on the same page about kids and marriage (because now, apparently, he doesn’t think we need to get married), and that we’re moving towards that. I can’t move, only to move again and break up the family. I think I’ll have an answer soon, although not as soon as I would like. It was a good conversation, and I think will give him some motivation to make a decision – once his therapist comes back from her month off. I went in thinking I was in the same place, but I feel a tiny glimmer like maybe things are a little better. He asked me if he had said “No” to kids, to which I replied, “Yes”. So he clarified that he had not said no since he started therapy and that maybe I wasn’t in exactly the same place as before.
The money thing is a problem. I have a bonus coming and there are a million things I could spend it on and I really want to go to NYC with my friends. I should spend it all on debt payment, but I want to get away, and I don’t want to miss the opportunity to go with my friends in case this doesn’t work out and I end up even angrier at him for missing out on things. I know I hurt his feelings when I said that because he wanted us to go away together, so I feel like a giant jerk for that, and now he won’t take any of the money for bills because it’s “my money”. I’m exhausted today. It was a long weekend.
In the words of the great Gomez Addams, let’s be happy, completely happy, and a tiny bit sad.
The Addams Family Cast