A big week, even when our life is never dull

It was a big week in our house. I have zero idea what prompted the change… but BM let the kids go to baseball this week on her days and took them to soccer on her days. O.M.F.G. WOOOOOO! Curtis thinks she wants something, his mom thinks she needs a break from the boys, I wonder if she knows we were planning to take them to soccer and this was the way to stop us… who knows the reason. In that way, it was a great week. I’m making friends with the other moms and not being treated as the “step-mom”. It’s good.

In less good news, rumour has it that BM is moving the next street over from us. Neither Curtis, nor I, are comfortable with that proximity (he’s ready to move right now), but I’m willing to give it a chance, because in some ways it would be so good if it could work. They’d be close enough that the kids could always play with their friends. That itself gives me the willies because we’re friends with their parents and that’ll be weird… but his cousin sometimes comes over and plays and we make that work… I’m trying to be positive. In a ‘get your own darn life’ way. I’m just shocked. She is so insistent that we have separate lives, why on earth would she want to live a 2-minute walk from us? Our life is never boring. that is for sure. There are other concerns… I’m not sure how they can afford that house, given that’s it’s way more than ours was and I’m pretty sure we make more than they do (but that’s not my business). The only real concern I have is that BM is going around laughing about how she is going to take us for more money when she’s on mat leave. I don’t want to pay her giant mortgage at the expense of being able to afford our own house. We’ll just have to see how it goes.

So… it’s Mother’s Day… I should have been announcing my pregnancy this weekend. Instead, a very good friend of mine just told me she’s 6 weeks along (SO HAPPY FOR HER!)… But that makes me a bit sad. And my sister-in-law is down, which always stresses me out. Work is really stressful, and I’m still crazy exhausted as my body recovers from the miscarriage. This has led to some arguments, which reminded me that Curtis is a real jerk when in an argument. In a very weird way, some good came from it. In the way he hurled at me the fact that Nolan called me his step-mom specifically to hurt me, he both referred to the fact that we are going to try for another child and the fact that they kids have Mother’s Day plans totally in ways to make me feel like an a-hole. It worked, I feel like an a-hole… and I’m also angry he used those against me… but there is good there.

I feel so tired and emotional and I’m not sure how much of it is the miscarriage and how much is just how freaking busy we are or even how much is “Mother’s Day” when you’re a step-mom and not a mother. It’s funny, it’s only me who is acting like I’m not a mom. His mom, the kids, Curtis, they all act like I’m a mom (of some kind, anyway). He even said that he wasn’t sure why I felt like I wasn’t a mom. When they asked me how many mothers for the brunch we’re going to, he told me to say 2… I guess it’s only me who doesn’t feel like one. Even my chiropractor gave me Mother’s Day flowers. I mean, I’m sure my own mother doesn’t think I am. On the other hand… I’m tired, overwhelmed, and all I want for Mother’s Day is to get some sleep (so in that way I feel like a mom), but when they have a real mom… I dunno. Something for me to work on, I guess. We all need things to work on.


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