Bah Humbug

It’s been a year already for this blog! I can’t believe it. So much has happened in a year. Thanks to those of you who read this 🙂

I’m not a Christmas person, that’s no secret. I hate the glut of it all. I hate the fact that Christmas decorations come out as soon as Back-to-School is done and Christmas music starts November 1st. I hate the fact that I’m writing about Christmas before Halloween. Every year it’s more, more, more. And with that comes obligation and pressure to buy gifts, buy the best gifts, buy the right gift, spend enough “quality time” with people you may or may not like, do the baking, go to the concert, send cards, do a family photo, visit Santa… More. More. More. Gimme. Gimme. Gimme.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things there I enjoy doing. More so when I can do them on my own terms and not when I feel pressured to be more festive or be a better parent but, still, I am learning to get some enjoyment out of the little things. Sadly, this is a vast improvement over when I wasn’t a step-parent.

The biggest struggle I have is that a big Christmas goes against everything I believe as a parent. I don’t believe in spoiling children. I believe that they need to earn things and appreciate gifts and be grateful for what they have. In reality, the kids compare what they got at our house with what their friends got, what their mom gave them, the things they wanted and didn’t get. I know Curtis worries about coming up short and the kids choosing their mom. They literally and truly do not play with one single thing they got last year. Does that mean we failed at Christmas?

It’s no secret that my step-kids are spoiled. Their mom spoils them and buys them whatever the want – and only the best of the best. Something we could never dream of affording, and probably wouldn’t do (I hope) even if we could. Seriously, what kid needs two bikes at one house? Her mom also spoils them. And so does Curtis’ mom. And his sister. The kids basically expect a gift when family comes to visit. I try to reign it in and it’s a little better, but they are all still always ready with toys, treats, and candy. And the kids act spoiled, they have full-on temper tantrums when they don’t get what they want. They act out when they’re “bored” (i.e. they’re not allowed on their ipads). They expect to get what they want, when they want it, or we will pay the price. I’ve started taking pictures of them when they do this (which they don’t like) to show them what it looks like. It’s helped a little, I guess. It also helps me to laugh at it, instead of getting frustrated. Here are a few of my favourites.

My father-in-law passed away recently and my mother-in-law said he wanted the kids to have a big Christmas gift. So I agreed that she can buy the kids the $3,000 four-wheeler they want and say it’s from him. I thought that was reasonable, given my thoughts on spoiling kids. Then we would attempt to go back to what I tried last year – One thing they want, one thing they need, one thing they wear, one thing they read. If we all did that, they would still get 20 presents each. 20 presents each?!?!? Plus a four-wheeler. Are. You. Kidding. Me? It didn’t work last year, his sister bought about 5 presents to go into each of the 4 presents so they actually got about 40 presents each. And this was less than normal. Yikes.

This morning, my M-I-L started talking about going Christmas shopping this weekend with Curtis’ sister and all the toys the kids want. I mentioned that we wanted to stick with the 4-gift rule again (remember, 20 presents each) … and she ignored that and kept talking. When I said I guess I can’t actually enforce that, she laughed. When I got in the car to go to work, the anxiety kicked in. This is everything I hate about Christmas and everything I am against as a parent. So what do I do? I can’t be a part of that. With every fibre of my being, I can’t. Curtis and I already fight about Christmas. Our fight last year was so bad I wasn’t sure we were going to make it through the holidays… So I asked him to gently remind them about our plan for Christmas (aside from the four-wheeler) or, instead, if all of them want to have this big, unregulated Christmas, I’m can’t do it.. He’s in charge of all things Christmas – the presents, the decorating, the wrapping (but NO credit card purchases we can’t pay off right away).

Honestly, I feel bad about it – not about limiting them, I’m not sorry about that, I’m upset that I put Curtis in the middle. Unfortunately, it’s well-covered territory that his family will not listen to me. So in the middle he goes. And, being the good man he is, he chose my side. So we can try to avoid fighting through Christmas and so we can enjoy Christmas as a family.

Today I actually googled about spoiling kids at Christmas to see if I’m overreacting. To see if I should just chill out and let the gluttony being. What harm am I really doing in going along with the bacchanalia? Am I doing more harm by refusing them and will it push them towards their mother? Am I really doing them any good in being so stingy? Will they learn any lessons from this? The truth is that I don’t know. But I feel I have to try. And I also feel like the worst person ever.

So… here’s to being the Grinch and hating another Christmas. Fingers crossed it does them some good in the end.

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The Struggle Is Real

I took a day off today. I struggle with anxiety on the best days and, for the most part, I think I do pretty well. This past week pushed me past my limit. I was on the verge of tears for days. I went for a run last week and was crying when I started and felt lighter, happier, the further I got away from my house. When I rounded the corner to go back up my street, I started to cry again. There was no one home, but getting back to our house was too much for me. So I sat on the corner and cried. I decided I needed a day for me. And Curtis doesn’t understand. I know it hurts him to know I need time for myself. Real parents don’t get time off. He doesn’t get it to the point where he asked me to make him lunch so he can come eat with me. It’s lovely that he chose to come home and spend lunch with me, and I started crying because all I want is for one day to not be beholden to anyone. I even took off my Fitbit to not have to worry about steps. I just want to be alone, on my own time, on my own terms for a few hours. And he admitted he wasn’t sure if he should, and I thanked him for wanting to spend it with me. But I really wanted to just be me. No one’s partner, no one’s parent… just me.

I was in such a state, I was going to skip Reegan’s hockey practice. I was actively planning to not be home when he came to get Reegan’s hockey gear. I wanted to be alone. I’m not sure if it was from watching too many episodes of This Is Us, or if it was the exercise I did, or if choosing to miss Reegan’s practice was a step too far for me, but I strapped on my Fitbit and running shoes and chose to walk to the arena instead of missing out. I walked home, too. And stopped to enjoy the view. And I feel a bit better, not all better, but ready to face this week’s hurdles. And I will take that small victory. 

Our Summer

After my last post, I decided to post something a little more positive. I’m a little behind, but it’s a good problem to have to be too busy to write blog posts. I am actively trying to live in the moment and not document every little thing, lest I miss something by staring through a lens.

We had a great summer. I had really high expectations for the summer, and it didn’t work out to be quite as fun as I thought it would be, but it was a really wonderful summer. I try not to get hung up on my expectations, but it’s hard when things don’t go as you planned. As one of my favourite singers said, “Expectations are the killer of the good sometimes”, and it’s so true.

We didn’t do much without the kids, although we did manage to take a trip to Ottawa to see my brother and celebrate Canada 150. The celebrations themselves were a letdown, as was my mother, but Curtis got to meet some of the family members I hold the most dear.

The rest of the summer was filled with ball, ball, and more ball. 5 tournaments, plus regular games. We did have more success with the kids going as we could make a deal for soccer with their mom. It felt like progress. The boys improved so much this year, I am so proud of them. One of the coaches even said that he wants Reegan to come out for the Tier 1 team next year (provided he can come to all the games), so that’s a really big deal. All his friends will be on that team. It’s a long way away, but fingers crossed we can make it happen. We just have to think positively.

IMG_3375Notice the little monkey in the background. Best photobomb from Taitum!

We took one trip as a family to my family cottage. As with any family property, there are politics and rules, but we had a great time there with my aunt and uncle and even my mom. The boys are even excited to go back next year and have already requested my brother come with us. It really warms my heart that the boys like the cottage. That’s my favourite place in the world and it was really great to spend my birthday up there with my family. I got a family breakfast and a family pic by the lake so it was a pretty good day. We may have the opportunity to own a piece of the cottage property through my mom’s inheritance and we really want to find a way to manage that financially. I want to give the boys the kind of summers I had.

IMG_3617My birthday present 🙂

Curtis and I both had a friend get married this summer – funny, though, it was HIS friends who kept asking us when we were getting married. It’s a bit of a touchy subject. I tried to make a joke about it once, and it didn’t go over well and I just ended up feeling bad about the fact that he doesn’t seem to care if we get married. I care. I definitely still deal with feeling like an outsider… most of the time, and it would really help if he would actually make me a part of his family, part of the kids family. I want to make a sign for our ice rink and I stress about what to call our family. Do I call us by his last name (even though I don’t have his last name and that is painfully, acutely clear to me)? Do I hyphenate the last name? It’s awkward. I think I’m going to avoid last names entirely. I know, though, he won’t do anything until he’s good and ready. Of course, we tried to pack too many things into those days and we had last-minute babysitter drama, but the weddings were lots of fun. I’m glad we made it work to go. It rained both days and, of course, they were both on nights when we had the kids, but we still managed to get all dolled up and go and have a great time. Definite wins.

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Taitum had his first real birthday party with friends this year, which was pretty cool. His mom had just had her baby so she didn’t do a party for him this year so we didn’t have to worry about who was inviting which kids. We did a fireman-themed birthday party so it was really cost-effective, too. We took them to the fire hall and they got to see the trucks and try on Curtis’ gear. We also took them swimming and had a fire-themed obstacle course in our backyard and cake and lunch… I think we’ll try taking it easier next year! It was fun (and easy) to have a party in the summer for once, though! What’s important is that he had a great time.

IMG_3869That face! Look how happy he is.

Curtis and I both have birthdays in the summer and we decided to not buy gifts for each other, just to spend it on our trip. We wanted to take the boys to Chicago to see the Jays play, but that didn’t work out financially, so we ended up at the indoor waterpark in Niagara Falls. The boys’ choice. I wanted to do Wonderland, because that’s what I did growing up, but they were more excited about the waterpark. (Their mom ended up taking them to Wonderland, where they had a great time, which irked me to no end, but they had such a great time with us, it’s hard to feel bad about the choice).

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The summer ended with the Fall Fair. As the summer progressed, we found that they probably had too much freedom because trying to get them back into a routine (even on our trip) was painful. (See my post about aliens stealing my step-kids). I was hopeful that we would have a drama-free fall as organizing that and back-to-school with their mom was (mostly) stress-free. So far, though, the fall has been pretty stressful as hockey will once again be a bone of contention. As we took Reegan into the arena this weekend, he said, “That was a QUICK summer”. That it was, Reegan, that it was.

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The Real Cost of the Ex-Wife

We all know the tales of the costs of divorce. Tens of thousands spent in lawyer fees. Especially for the good fathers out there, who the law does not favour one little bit, fighting for shared custody, fighting for equal rights in regards to their kids, fighting to enforce agreements, fighting what is best for them. We have spent a literal fortune fighting for those kids.

So, we all know that story and we all think we know the cost. But the cost of an ex-wife is so much more than just lawyer bills.

First, there’s the support payments. Even with 50/50 custody and her being remarried, we still pay his ex-wife $500 a month child support. She is currently on mat leave with her 4th child (with her new husband) and she is laughing to people about how much more we’ll have to pay next year because of her leave. And that’s money we don’t have. We will likely have to sell our house to pay her extra support to fund the mat leave for the baby she had with the man she cheated with and left Curtis for. The law is supposed to make it so that they kids have an equal life at both houses. She just bought a house worth way more than ours, she has tons of expendable income to buy them anything they want and take them on lavish vacations, where we scrimp and save and borrow just to give the kids something a little nice. We will have to sell our house to maintain her level of spending and she is laughing. How is that an equal life?

We could fight it, and incur more legal costs fighting it, and hope we can at least maintain the $500/month status quo, but the law doesn’t have a lot of grey to protect fathers in that way.

She tells the kids how much money we have and makes a big deal about buying them whatever they want, portraying us as the rich people who won’t buy them anything. They know they can have whatever they want at their mom’s. So we try our best to keep up in the ways that we can, the name-brand clothes they want, day trips.

We try to make up the difference as best we can with quality time and sports. We pay for all their sports and their sports equipment. She won’t let them go to sports on her time (because it’s more time with us), so we give up our quality time in recompense so she will let them go most of the time. We’ve already been told that one would be on a rep baseball team this year if we can get him there, so we are trying our best to find ways to make it happen. Those are costs no one figures. And their agreement says that there is no time to be given back, but what is agreed upon in court is not what happens in reality.

On top of the physical cost and the loss of time, there’s also the emotional cost. So much time and energy is spent fighting her, or worrying about what she’ll do and adjusting our behavior before it’s an issue. We drive different ways to avoid seeing her (which is hard since she just moved around the corner from us), we fold the “M” clothes separately so we can send them in her clothes on her days and make sure she gets them back, we keep an extra set of everything (shoes, hats, mitts, boots, snow suits) at our house in case she doesn’t send them since it is difficult to get these things from her, (as I mentioned) we give up our time with them so they can play sports-full time… and these are just a few. The worst is that we let her get away with bad behavior where we have the legal and moral high ground (such as meeting with the school and teachers behind Curtis’ back, not telling him about doctor’s appointments, changing doctor’s appointments deliberately to make it work for her and not work for Curtis, not telling us she was in the hospital over night, and so on) because we’re afraid of the consequences. She’s mean and a bully and she doesn’t seem to care about the effect that will have on the kids… so we have to. And the emotional toll is great. Curtis tries his best not to let it affect us, but that doesn’t always happen. So sometimes we fight about her or because of her… sometimes we let her win.

If it was just her, that would be one thing. The ex-in-laws are in town as well… they go between spreading rumours about Curtis to make his ex look better, to complaining about her behind her back, to trying to fight for the kids when it comes to sports, to supporting her so they don’t have family issues (going so far as to turn the kids’ heads so they don’t see us)… Her sister and her parents will sometimes act like nothing is wrong and chat away like we’re besties (umm… seriously?) and will sometimes act like we have the plague. The emotional costs are never ending. I personally find the whole lot of them – the ex, the ex-in-laws, the new husband – terribly stressful. For me, the ex pretends I’m not there. Literally acts like I don’t exist. It’s less aggressive than it used to be, though. She doesn’t glare at me before putting her nose in the air anymore, or deliberately turn her back to me… I’m just not there. And for the most part I’m ok with it because it’s one less stress to deal with.

There’s one further cost that affects only me. And probably because I let it. She makes me insecure. About myself as a parent, about how I look… I feel like I constantly live in her shadow. It’s not that I don’t understand my role as a step-parent, I completely do. It’s little things like how she is organized enough to beat us to doing things and dictate the terms of it all (sometimes because Curtis doesn’t get his butt in gear and I have to be able to live with that), or how she had a baby and was up and about and taking the kids on trips the next day, or the fact that she had a baby a month ago and she is already back to being half my size while I sweat my butt off and swear off carbs just to lose 1lb in that same month. She is putting the image of a super mom out there and while I know it’s not that simple, I’m buying what she’s selling. She makes me question my worth… and that is one of the biggest costs because it affects how I act (for better and worse). I am trying to be the best I can be, I am always trying to compensate and be a better (step)parent… but I am also letting her win and make me doubt myself and that’s not good for anyone.

When Aliens Steal Your Step-kids

I have a bunch of half-written posts that I want to do and time doesn’t allow for it. Which is a good thing, but I feel like I have lots to say and instead I’m hiding in my bedroom, putting away laundry, listening to the kids fight while Curtis is on a fire call. So I thought I would start with that. 

Part of their custody agreement is that each parent gets two full weeks in the summer (as opposed to having full weeks with a mid-week access for the other person so no one has to go a full week without the kids.) Having the kids for a week at a time was awesome. We miss them when they’re gone and it’s so much easier to get in a routine when we have them every day. 

That being said, they just spent a week with their mom where they don’t have the same kind of rules and structure and they seem to get everything they want when they want it. Normally it takes a day to get back into our routine, but here we are, 3 days later, and it still seems like aliens have abducted the children and given us back monsters. Not listening, talking back, fighting, crying… who are these children? Two of them remind me of their mother at times, while one really reminds me of Curtis. And yet, while watching the parade and waiting for their dad to go by in the fire truck, I saw his mom in him when he talked down to another kid like that kid was dirt. It was a really eye-opening moment for me. 50% of the time, we don’t know these kids and, try as we might, we can’t negate her influence on them. (Good and bad – as much as we are frustrated, it’s not all bad.)

I just read an article where it said that no matter the relationship between the parents, kids do benefit from sharing equal time with both parents and I’m trying to take comfort in that. Fingers crossed that’s true. And all we can do is stick to what we do, try to be positive examples, enforce our rules, be kind, and not say bad things about their mom. 

But for today, I’m tired of trying to give time outs for yelling at me or each other. Aliens, if you’re listening, I’d like my step-kids back. 

Balancing Act

This week is sure to be another crazy balancing act in our house. Curtis and I both have extra work training to try and fit in this week, and there’s not a lot of compromise that can be done to work around it. It is what it is. But we’re communicating with each other and with my super understanding co-worker (thankfully) and I think we have it sorted out… in theory… knock on wood… standby and go…

We has to make some tough decisions about sports this week. Nolan and Reegan have baseball practice tonight and all 3 kids have soccer games. Curtis also has a baseball game and a soccer practice tomorrow. Allowing him to go to both games would require switching with his mom, but not for practices. Nolan hasn’t swung the bat once in 4 games. He’s done very well at the other aspects of his game, but he’s not swinging… he needs the practice. So does he go to both practices (ball tonight and soccer tomorrow), or is it more important to play both games (soccer tonight and ball tomorrow)? (Hard to follow? …Yeah, for me, too) Sigh… Well, he wants to play the games (what kid doesn’t?) so we had to make that tough call. We did end up deciding to let him go to the games. Reegan’s coach had said ball practice would be cancelled tonight, too. It wasn’t, but we had already told their mom, so all 3 kids will go with their mom to soccer tonight. The only good thing about this is that it will let Curtis visit his dad in the hospital. It does allow us to fit that one important thing into our week. We can’t both go, but we’ll take the wins where we can get them.

Tuesday, I have all-day training, and I have to go into work early and stay late. Both Reegan and Nolan play at 6:30 in town so Curtis might have to do that on his own. I’ll meet him there when I can. Then he has ball Tuesday night. Wednesday, more all-day training for me, same deal, and then Reegan has ball again and Curtis has training at 7 so I have to be home for that. Thursday is the last day of school and Curtis has ball. Somewhere in there, we have to pack for our trip to Ottawa on the weekend and just do regular life stuff. I’m tired already.

I’m just hoping we can stick together through all of this. It was a rough weekend. We have trouble finding the balance we need when his sister is visiting. There’s no middle ground, it seems. It all has to be his way. His sister may have the run of our house when she’s here and I am not supposed to feel uncomfortable or anxious about it because that’s how his family does things. I find the whole thing wholly unfair and that in itself makes me feel anxious and he doesn’t deal very well with my anxiety…so we argue. It’s an exhausting downward spiral. When we stick together and work together and respect each other (because I’m not devoid of blame for the arguing on the weekend), we can accomplish so much. So here’s to balance. And baseball. And family. And wine… because sometimes, wine is the answer.

I also wanted to share a moment of appreciation I had for my boys (yes, I just called them my boys). I have started walking in the evening with a neighbour and she was telling me that when her husband goes out for the evening, her step-daughter goes to her mother’s. She will never stay with my neighbour. She even chose to walk in the rain to the bus, rather than take a ride from her step-mom. My neighbour never takes her step-daughter to sports or just has one-on-one time, and that made me sad for her. She’s fine with it, she has two girls of her own to be an amazing mother to, but I still felt sad. She is one of the nicest, most generous people I know. I would be devastated if the boys did that to me (and her husband would be devastated if her girls did that to him). The boys would always choose their father, and I’m (mostly) ok with that. Even Reegan, who is usually ok with me, clung to his dad yesterday. And that’s ok. I still got to be there with the team and write the recap and be a part of their lives. That feels like a step-parenting win. So, here’s to my boys…

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Reegan’s ball team waiting for Team Pictures

 

 

Dealing with parental envy

I always thought it would be the boys mom that I would be jealous of. They adore her and I know I will just never be their mom. And I’m ok with that. I think I have a pretty healthy view of what my role in their life is.

Today, it’s Curtis I’m jealous of. I would never begrudge him a close relationship with his kids. I love how much his kids adore him. And he deserves it because he is a great father. I wish he could see how much they love him. 

While I think the kids all like me well enough (most of the time, anyway), I’ve really only developed a palpable bond with one of them. Reegan (7) wants me to read to him. So every night I read to him. It started because Curtis always fell asleep while reading to him but it became our little thing. Until tonight. Curtis has been asking Reegan for a little while to read to him and Reegan finally agreed. So out I go. Taitum only wants Daddy and Nolan gets both of us. I feel like he crushed the one parenting win I had. I have spent two and a half years trying to build that bond. That was our thing, and now it’s not. Not that the bond is gone, it still exists, of course. But he won, he gets to have that, too. I’m hurt and I’m sad and I’m full of envy. It’s one of those moments where it’s very apparent that I’m not a real parent.

Too Good to be True

Well, we knew it wouldn’t last. She needs money and if her favourite ATM won’t give it to her, she’s going to stop letting the kids go to sports until she gets what she wants. She sent her message through Nolan last night. He’s 10 and said to Curtis that ‘Mom said you owe her money and she’s going to stop the sports thing if you don’t pay her tomorrow.’ The thing is… we don’t actually owe her money. She wants more in child support and, technically, she has to go to court to get that. She’s threatening court now, and we might beat her to the punch after how she’s crossed the line. We put this verbiage in the agreement about how the parent will not have adult conversations with the kids or use the kids to communicate a parenting issue, but she just ignores the agreement. I can’t even imagine the effect this is having on Nolan. The very thought makes me feel sick. How can she be ok with putting that poor kid in the middle of this? Just let him be a kid. Don’t punish him to get a couple hundred dollars from your ex. It makes my heart hurt so much. I had no idea. He didn’t say anything to me. I shared my prize for the hat he helped me make (for the contest at my recital)… I let him stay up to watch his hockey team in the playoffs… he made his own strawberries… I thought he was good, but Curtis said it was like he was waiting to tell him, said he wanted him to know. It all makes me sad. I’m hoping it means he understands how much it means to Curtis for the kids to go to sports and how hard he tries… it all sucks…

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The award-winning hat that Nolan helped me make.

So here’s the thing… how can we protect them if she ignores a court order? How can even a judge enforce that if she just doesn’t care what it says? She ignores it all… She ignores the fact that is clearly states that sports are an outstanding issue and tries to bully us into doing it her way, she ignores the fact that she can’t change doctor’s appointments without Curtis’ permission, she ignores the fact that he’s allowed to talk to doctors and goes so far as to remove his name from the kids’ files, she ignores the fact that she’s supposed to turn over the kids birth certificates and the fact that she’s not supposed to bad mouth him to the kids, she takes the kids to the US without telling him… and she’s ignoring the fact that the agreement does not call for them to review child support every year, it just says that this is the amount to be paid. Well, the agreement is about as good as toilet paper as she will continue to do what she wants, no matter the damage done to those kids. So what are we to do? We’ve said we’re ready to go to court… but what can a judge do? Can someone make her do the right thing, or just obey the court order? We’ve been afraid of the emotional cost paid by the kids as she tries to exact her revenge on Curtis, but she’s already doing it… How do we know when the good outweighs the bad? Curtis is so angry at her right now, he’s ready to take a stand. We are ready to take a stand.

We Step-Moms Have to Stick Together

I joined a few “Step-Mom” groups on Facebook and that’s been really nice for me. While I agree with one particular poster that sometimes it’s a little too sunshine and rainbows for those of us in the trenches, I find it really helpful to hear other step-moms with the same issues as me. Today one talked about feeling like an outsider and, while it’s MUCH better than it was, I still can’t help but feel like that sometimes. Especially when you want to be a mother yourself, as she said. So true. On the other hand, it’s also nice not to wallow in the mud. Nothing good comes out of dwelling on negative feelings.

Our situation hasn’t changed, really. BM (as they call her) is her awesome, cheerful self, demanding money and not compromising with sports. We still haven’t heard back from our lawyer (which is definitely frustrating) so the worst of that is still to come… stressful times. We are also pretty sure our child support offset payment is going up so we have to figure out how to pay for that. My father-in-law is still in the hospital after complications from his kidney transplant and that’s really brought our family together. For the most part, I’ve managed to keep any petty feelings at bay. It’s been good for us. My back went up when his sister started asking for pictures again (which I HATE), but I’m going to send it today. Other than that, it’s been good. Curtis has been lovely and supportive and things are better as we go through a lot together. I’m really hopeful that we have turned a corner and things will be good for us. Karma has to have our back eventually, right?

My favourite part of the weekend was when I found an app that lets you photoshop the Easter Bunny into a photo. I added him to a photo of our kitchen and then sent it to Nolan (SS10) – I should probably go back and make all of these without names – saying that he “stole Katrina’s phone”. The boys were really excited about that, although Taitum was surprised the Easter Bunny was so big, he thought he was little. It was a fun Easter with the kids, for sure. I already miss them since they’re with their mother today. With everything going on, I wish they were there today.

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Off to NYC in a couple of days with friends for a much-needed getaway. I’m wishing a little now I had chosen a trip with Curtis instead of the girls, but I couldn’t have known where we would be now. Just have to enjoy the time, enjoy the friendship, enjoy the theatre… And breathe.

 

It’s Family First and Family Last and Family By-and-By

It’s been an eventful few weeks in our house, being topped off this weekend with Curtis’ dad getting the call for his kidney transplant. It was already a crazy, crazy weekend. Another two hockey tournaments (one B winner and one A runner-up) and a practice, the fireman’s breakfast, two hockey parties, laundry, taking the ice rink down, taking the Christmas light down, grocery shopping, plus we brought our dog to his new home (all on top of Curtis being on call). When we got the call, we finished Nolan’s hockey game and arranged for the kids to stay at the neighbour’s house for a sleepover, got coverage for Curtis’ on-call shift, and off to the hospital we went. His sister came the next day to stay the night. I’m happy to say that the surgery went well, and Gary is recovering very well. We made cards for him to put up in his room and brought the kids to see him last night (with a stop at the movies after to see the movie that Reegan wanted to see this weekend). Actually, we got it all done except taking the kids to see Curtis play hockey on Sunday morning. It amazes me how much we can accomplish together. I always get the impression that they don’t have the crazy runaround life with their mom and I sometimes wonder which they prefer. I never ask, but I wonder. Do they like all the stuff we do?

Normally, that much family stuff stresses me out. I’ve been super snappy about Easter with my mom because it’s so hard for me to deal with. And my mom is really hard for me to deal with. And I have to admit I had my (internal) catty moments, but fewer than I expected. I have a lot of my own stuff going on now , but we really managed to pull together. That’s the thing about family, you come together when things get rough. I may have warped feelings on family sometimes, but that’s what you do. What’s funny to me is how his family keeps thanking me… I don’t need a thank you, that’s just what you do. Gary is family so there was no question where’d we be. It’s one of those things that makes you see how they really don’t see me as family.

The highlight of my weekend was my bonding time with Reegan. I wouldn’t say he’s my favourite, but we have our own special relationship. It causes me problems when we go grocery shopping because I always buy too much because of him, but it means a lot to me. Worth the sunglasses he talked us into. lol. He even came home in the car with me last night after the movie. These little moments are the things that makes everything worth it. He chose to come with me. All the stuff with their mom (and with her mom this weekend, apparently it’s genetic), all the craziness… it’s all worth it, when Reegan asks me to read to him.

No kids tonight… off to the gym. Gotta find a way to keep up with them somehow 😉