Father’s Day and the Great Grad Debacle, Summer 2022
So, I’m sure you could tell that Spring was a tough one for me. When I went back to read that, I could tell how tough it was. I considered re-writing it to make it more positive because I’m generally a glass-half-full kinda person but decided to leave it and put my real self out there. I’m on a new antidepressant now and it’s really helping, but I delayed posting my second post long enough that I need another chapter.
This year, I’m going to count Father’s Day as the START of summer. As I mentioned in last year’s chapter, the boys fighting is kind of a Father’s Day tradition – and boy, oh, boy did they keep that alive. Not only that, but my youngest stepson had a lacrosse tournament that day and his mom was doing something more fun, so he wanted to stay with her instead of going with his dad on Father’s Day. Curtis doesn’t want to put the kids in the middle, so he let his son choose – and then was upset for most of the day. Blended families are complicated.
Curtis was grumpy right up until the time we gave him his (I think, very thoughtful) presents and we all hung out on our patio. One of the things I love most about Curtis is that he will only remember the good. Eventually. He’s soooo not over it yet.
I went on my first real trip away from Austin this summer. Two of them, actually. I went to South Carolina for work, and I went to Toronto for a conference. It was hard. I missed him. He cried when I came back (like he was upset I left him) and that broke my heart. I have two more trips planned in the fall (one personal and one for work) and it will be so hard to leave him.
At the same time, I also really relished the time away from everyone. I took SUCH good care of myself when I was in South Carolina – eating well, sleeping well, and exercising. It was so nice to be on my own terms for a few days. Honestly, it was a great trip. In Toronto I was less good to myself, but I had some much-needed theatre-bestie time and planned our trip to Chicago.
And then I came back to reality… Put simply, this was a tough summer for us. Lots and lots of blended family drama. That’s all I’m going to say about that. The hardest part is that the kids are getting old enough that they can really see it and so that’s hard to navigate sometimes. It can be a bit of a blessing that they can (sometimes) see the situation for what it is, but it was tough all around and I don’t expect it to improve any time soon. The drama went right up to the Fall Fair and back-to-school times.
I actually would argue that things were better than normal until my stepson’s grade 6 grad. Each kid in his grade made a collage that went up on the screen as their name was announced. A picture of our half of the blended family was in that collage – which meant I was in it and his mom was not. For the record, we had no part of that, that was all him. Honestly, I feel awkward about it, and I don’t blame her for being hurt. I would feel AWFUL if it were me. Unfortunately, everything went downhill from there. It was a tough summer. Luckily, the brunt of it didn’t fall on the kids directly, but… oof.
Still, the summer was full of lovely moments – my birthday, Taitum, birthday, Curtis’ 40th birthday, my grandfather’s 96th birthday, new friends, camping. It was a hot summer, and it flew by. I believe I will remember the good over the bad. The trailer ended up being a really great thing. We made some awesome new friends next door, and we think my middle stepson had his first crush on the neighbour girl (!). Austin and I even went up there just to the trailer to spend a couple of days to play at the waterpark and the playland with the neighbours. He finally warmed up to the waterpark right at the end of the summer, of course – just in time for it to close. Just this weekend, we drove by the water slides. “Mommy! Pool! See that?”
This summer was also a wakeup call for us, financially. We were having fun and living beyond our means. Two thirds of our fence blew down in the storm and the insurance company would not pay even half of it, so we had to figure that out. It led to some tough conversations. I didn’t get a birthday present (which is ok, I don’t need one), but I know that was tough for Curtis to swallow. It’s hard to say you just don’t have enough money to buy your wife a gift.
After that, he sold the Monte. I didn’t ask him to, but he sold it to help us out financially. He sold it for more he paid so that was a win. We also sold my Civic because the boys’ mom bought our soon-to-be sixteen-year-old a car. We could use the money and we both had to pitch in. It helped. We bought ourselves some breathing room… for a whole day.
The day after selling the cars, we found black mold beneath the floor in our beautiful ensuite bathroom. At the time of writing this, our insurance company has already denied our claim, so all the money we got will have to go to the repair. As a side note: What the heck are we paying these insurance companies for, anyway? As far as I can tell, barely anything is actually covered. Insurance is such a racket. But I know if I didn’t have it, then something worse would happen so here I go, paying for it still.
Between stepfamily stress, money stress, and house stress, this summer has been a lot. It’s still better than the early pandemic days, and my new meds are helping, but I still struggle some days. More than just some days.
Even the trailer, while an awesome thing, meant that we were not home as much and so a greater number of things had to fit into a shorter amount of time. If we do it again next year, I’d like to have a bit more balance. Last summer we spent a lot of time at home and with our neighbours and I missed that this year. So did Austin.
One thing I’ve taken away from this summer, was that I have actually found more self-acceptance than I ever expected. In reflecting on this… I’m still super self-conscious and maybe noticing that my self acceptance (if not my self confidence) is better than expected is a sad statement, but I take the wins where I can get them.
Even during most locked down parts of the pandemic, I always did my hair and makeup. I have never been one to be seen without makeup. I took progress pictures of my weight loss and worked hard to feel better about myself. It wasn’t until we started going up to the trailer for days at a time, where were trying not to fill our gray water tank and I was also running around after children in the blazing heat, that I stopped doing my hair and makeup. I threw my hair up in a ponytail and went on with my day. I don’t have the kind of hair to do the stylish messy bun or top knot, but I didn’t care. I wore sweatpants and I was just myself. For the first time, maybe ever.
I also had plans for running 3 times a week and doing daily yoga, which never happened. That one I’m less proud of. I love my workout time and it’s been hard to get back into it since I stopped. I feel the effects of that. My body is sore and weak now from lack of exercise, so I know I have to get back on the wagon. I’m trying to still love myself.
I have managed to keep myself around the same size I was before the summer. I just need to get back into taking care of myself. Eat better, sleep better, exercise regularly. The secret to whatever sanity I have left.
Step-Parenting 101 